For those of you following along at home, you know that I went in for another MRI last week. In my “Scanxiety” (pithy portmanteau, right?) post I mentioned how the anxiety slowly creeps in while I’m waiting to have pictures of my brain taken. The nighttime waiting room of the imaging facility is oddly calming, and the soothing melody of 10,000 Maniacs’ “Candy Everybody Wants” helps, but there’s no denying there’s a lot on the line.
Well, last Wednesday I got the results back, and “excellent” is a word I eagerly anticipate hearing from my neuro oncologist. The second post-radiation scan was again clean. (See for yourself below.) In so many ways, I’m hugely relieved. Oddly, though, I also worry that life is starting to feel, dare I say, just the tiniest bit “normal” again. I have this totally irrational fear that the moment I take my eye off the ball, all this will come crashing down.
How many clean scans are required before I will relax even just a little bit? I feel like even just asking that question presumes too much. I don’t know, but I’m beginning to truly understand the acronym I frequently encounter in GMB circles: KOKO – “keep on keeping on.”